You might be a child of the 80's if... you won't walk into the place where you once knew every bartender on a first name basis because "there's too many kids there" Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you actually learned the English language Kids that work in restaurants and supermarkets are starting to piss you off by calling you "sir" or "ma'am" you ever dressed to emulate a person you saw in either a Duran Duran, Madonna, or Cyndi Lauper video you know, by heart, the words to any "Weird" Al Yankovic song you have begun to lust after women (or men) that it would be socially inappropriate for you to date due to their age you remember the first time "Space: Above and Beyond" aired - it was called "Battlestar Galactica" songs by Debbie Gibson still haunt you to this day going to keg parties no longer involves hiding out in the woods when the cops show up you're starting to get that "why aren't you married yet" shpiel, not just from parents, but now from friends that are married When somone mentions two consecutive days of the week, the Happy Days theme is stuck in your head for hours on end you remember trying to guess the episode of the Brady Bunch from the first scene. three words: "Atari" "IntelliVision" and "Coleco". Sound familiar? you remember the days when "safe sex" meant "my parents are gone for the weekend" you remember "Friday Night Videos" before the days of MTV a predominant color in your childhood photos is "plaid" while in high school, you and all your friends discussed elaborate plans to get together again at the end of the century and play "1999" by Prince over and over again you remember when music that was labeled "alternative" really was you, yes you, sat down and memorized the entire lyric sheet to "It's the end of the world as we know it" you took family trips BEFORE the invention of the mini-van. You rode in the back of the station wagon and you faced the cars behind you. you watched HR Puffenstuff as a child, but now that you're older, you really understand that it would have been much better had you known about drugs at the time you've recently horrified yourself by using any one of the following phases: - "When I was younger" - "You know, back when..." - "Because I SAID so, that's why" - "Just can't (fill in the blank) like I used to" you can't remember a time when "going out for coffee" DIDN'T involve 49,000 selections to choose from you're starting to view getting carded to buy alcohol as a GOOD thing, and you're ready to marry the next person who cards you when you want to buy cigarettes. at one point during your teenage years, you walked with a noticeable tilt to one side due to the number of plastic rings on that arm "Celebration" by Kool & the Gang was one of the hot new songs when you first heard it at a school dance the first time you ever kissed someone at a dance fell during "Crazy for You" by Madonna there were at least three people in your school that voluntarily went by the names of "Skip" "Buffy" "Muffy" or "Dexter" you ever owned one of those embarrassing crimping irons you used to hold in your head the thought that all those gold chains on Mr. T actually looked kinda cool and the thought that Mr. T made millions seemed rational to you at the time you're still occasionally suffering flashbacks from your 21st birthday party you're starting to dread you're 30th birthday, and have even begun going into denial about it's possibility you're starting to believe that maybe 30 isn't so old after all, and it's those people over 40 you have to look out for you freaked out when you found that you now fall into the "26 - 50" age category on most questionnaires your hair, at some point in time in the 80's, became something which can only be described by the phrase "I was experimenting" this timeline appropriately describes actual events in your life: Star Wars opens, you are still in single digit ages, and you think the creatures are WAY cool. Empire Strikes Back opens, you are now in early double digit ages, and you are convinced that the special effects are much better, the characters are cool, and you want one of every collectible out there. Return of the Jedi hits the theaters...you are now a teenager, and you cannot get your eyes off Princess Leia's breasts or HanSolo's butt. You fantasize forever and ever about it, and send off to join every fan club for them on the planet, hanging posters, photos, and "teen"-type magazine spreads all over your walls and lockers at school. you're starting to believe (now that it wouldn't affect YOU) that maybe having the kids go to school year-round wouldn't be such a bad idea after all you're doing absolutely nothing with anything pertaining to your major degree you're finding that you just don't understand more than half the lingo used on MTV any more (mostly guys on this one) sex is still as much fun as it used to be, and you're still really interested in it, but you just want to make sure there's nothing really good on cable that you'd be missing first you ever wanted to be gagged with a spoon U2 is too "popular" and "mainstream" for you now you spent endless nights dreaming about being the Bionic Woman or Wonder Woman or the Six Million Dollar Man you had ringside seats for Luke and Laura's wedding (on General Hospital) you know who shot J.R. this rings a bell: "and my name, is Charlie. They work for me."